Sometimes being a blogger sucks. Between the horrible comments that some people leave on posts, other people digging up personal details about your life by stalking private social media accounts, and just facing general judgemental nastiness from people who have no idea about your life, it can sometimes be tempting to throw it all away.
I have been blogging for more than three years now and in recent times I have been very tempted to delete my blog and start over. This blog has tracked not only the changes in my fitness journey but also my relationships, career changes and growth as a person.
It’s not easy looking back at some of my older posts, yet I don’t plan on deleting them. I will always be honest about where I have come from, and I think it’s important to keep a record of that here.
One thing that people love to criticise is my diet. I feel like you can’t win as a blogger. The majority of bloggers and blog readers have had some kind of effed up relationship with food, so they can’t recognise what “normal” is. I also think many bloggers and fitness professionals are shady about what they eat, which makes it that much harder for those of us that do the right thing. If I talk about how normal and recovered I am then I must be disordered in my justification, but if I don’t talk about what I eat then I must be hiding something. You just can’t win.
When I was eating whatever I wanted freely, some people said I ate too much junk/fat/sugar. Like I’ve said a million times, my Instagram account does not show every single meal I eat. Most of my meals are indeed quite healthy, but they are not as fun to post about. I challenge anyone who has criticised me to do just one training session with me, and tell me that they don’t want a damn burger afterwards.
When I recently started dieting to lose weight, I was not prepared for the negative feedback I would receive. People, I’m not cutting weight for bikini season – if I don’t make weight, I can’t compete. I gained 7kg in three months for no reason other than hormonal BS. And if I feel uncomfortable in my skin at a higher weight, then that’s okay too. Regardless of whether my weight loss is for practical or vanity-related reasons, it shouldn’t matter to anyone but me.
The main competition I care about making weight for is in September, where I have to be under 75kg. The good news is, as of this morning, I have lost 2.5 kilos in two weeks and I am now at 75.3kg. The more difficult task will be dropping under 70kg for the comp in November.
It’s hardly like I’m living off tilapia and broccoli, anyway. I have four months to make weight, so I’m doing it very slowly. If I went super hardcore and cut out all of my favourite foods like bacon, burgers and chocolate, I would lose the weight faster but I would most certainly have a few epic binges, develop an unhealthy relationship with food and be miserable to be around.
I have been using My Fitness Pal to track my calories/macros for two weeks now. I’m actually enjoying the tracking process without becoming obsessed. The main thing I’ve noticed is that it’s almost impossible for me to have less than 2500 calories a day. And, no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to have less than 100g fat a day. This is a far cry from the girl who used to happily chug along on 1200 calories and almost zero fat.
I am able to lose weight while still eating all the “naughty” foods I love several times a week. I have generally been having protein and fat only at breakfast and lunch, a small snack of protein and carbs in the afternoon before training, and then eating a large portion of my calories (at least 1000) for dinner. The only real changes I’ve made are less carbs during the day, less desserts and no more frappucinnos (I’ve been having iced Americanos with sugar-free hazelnut instead – lush!).
This week I was not expecting to lose anything at all – it was the week of my period which generally involves an epic four day migraine as my body deals with the drop in hormones. The only thing that ever makes my head feel better is lots and lots of carbs, so every day I ate oatmeal for breakfast, rice at lunch and lots of bread.
I still eat more than most people while I’m losing weight, and yet I continue to be crtiicised for the fact that I’m dieting. Take a look at my MFP account – most people would have no clue that I’m dieting.
When people tell me not to take the pill or to just come off it until after my competitions are over, I understand where they are coming from but it defeats the purpose of me taking the pill. I am not taking the pill for birth control reasons but rather to control my hormones and yes, I have already tried plenty of natural methods of doing so. As vain as it sounds, I would rather have clear skin and healthy hormones than compete in November.
I do appreciate people giving advice about what I should do about my birth control situation, but ultimately it is my body and my decision. Prior to writing that post, I heavily researched the pill I was on as well as some options going forward.
I will keep “dieting” in this way until I stop losing weight. I don’t plan on ever dropping below 2000 calories, which allows room for lots of delicious food. I am yet to even feel hungry so far, so I really can’t complain – I think anyone who does is just jealous that I ate this for lunch today and can still lose weight 😉
Bloggers, have you ever been tempted to remove your blog?
Have you ever lost weight while eating “junk” food?