Paris, je t'aime

Paris, je t’aime

I had a different post planned for today, but I couldn’t ignore what has happened in Paris. The attack has affected me more deeply than I could have imagined. I don’t know if it’s because I have family and friends there, or because I’m about to move there, but I can’t stop thinking about it.

I spent most of the weekend in tears, reading every news story I could find. I am incredibly shocked and saddened that something like this could happen in beautiful Paris, of all places.

A lot of my weekend was also spent unfriending people on Facebook. I am absolutely appalled by the racism, bigotry and ignorance which this attack has exposed in some people.

I cannot believe that people are being so fickle as to criticise those of us who have posted pictures with the hashtag #PrayforParis and changed our profile pictures to the blue, white and red. How are people really criticising this?! I do not understand it.


Yes, I know that doing those things will not do anything to bring back the people who were murdered, and I also know that there are other, more active ways to show support. But, to me, these small gestures symbolise grief, love and unity – and there is nothing wrong with that. No harm can come from a French person scrolling through their Facebook feed and seeing a sea of blue, white and red profile pictures. Some people need to get their heads out of their asses.

The worse thing I saw was someone who said: “Your stupid flag profile pic is accomplishing about as much as the people in the first row of that concert.” Yes, they really said that. I am absolutely disgusted with humanity sometimes, and equally disgusted in myself that I could have someone like this on my “friends” list.

It takes a lot for me to say things like this, but it is perhaps those people who should be exterminated – along with those saying that we must close our borders, that all Muslims should be wiped out, and that this would have never happened if gun laws weren’t so strict. I wish these people would get off Facebook and say this kind of crap to my face, because I would slap the hell out of them.

The world is an ugly place at times, and this attack has only brought out people’s true colours. And yes, I know that other places are undergoing similar – if not worse – attacks, but this one struck particularly close to home.

This is a heartbreaking and chilling post from Isobel Bowdery, who survived the attack.

you never think it will happen to you. It was just a friday night at a rock show. the atmosphere was so happy and everyone was dancing and smiling. and then when the men came through the front entrance and began the shooting, we naiively believed it was all part of the show. It wasn’t just a terrorist attack, it was a massacre. Dozens of people were shot right infront of me. Pools of blood filled the floor. Cries of grown men who held their girlfriends dead bodies pierced the small music venue. Futures demolished, families heartbroken. in an instant. Shocked and alone, I pretended to be dead for over an hour, lying among people who could see their loved ones motionless.. Holding my breath, trying to not move, not cry – not giving those men the fear they longed to see. I was incredibly lucky to survive. But so many didn’t. The people who had been there for the exact same reasons as I – to have a fun friday night were innocent. This world is cruel. And acts like this are suppose to highlight the depravity of humans and the images of those men circuling us like vultures will haunt me for the rest of my life. The way they meticoulsy aimed at shot people around the standing area i was in the centre of without any consideration for human life. It didn’t feel real. i expected any moment for someone to say it was just a nightmare. But being a survivor of this horror lets me able to shed light on the heroes. To the man who reassured me and put his life on line to try and cover my brain whilst i whimpered, to the couple whose last words of love kept me believing the good in the world, to the police who succeded in rescuing hundreds of people, to the complete strangers who picked me up from the road and consoled me during the 45 minutes I truly believed the boy i loved was dead, to the injured man who i had mistaken for him and then on my recognition that he was not Amaury, held me and told me everything was going to be fine despite being all alone and scared himself, to the woman who opened her doors to the survivors, to the friend who offered me shelter and went out to buy new clothes so i wouldnt have to wear this blood stained top, to all of you who have sent caring messages of support – you make me believe this world has the potential to be better. to never let this happen again. but most of this is to the 80 people who were murdered inside that venue, who weren’t as lucky, who didnt get to wake up today and to all the pain that their friends and families are going through. I am so sorry. There’s nothing that will fix the pain. I feel priviledged to be there for their last breaths. And truly beliving that I would join them, I promise that their last thoughts were not on the animals who caused all this. It was thinking of the people they loved. As i lay down in the blood of strangers and waiting for my bullet to end my mere 22 years, I envisioned every face that I have ever loved and whispered I love you. over and over again. reflecting on the highlights of my life. Wishing that those i love knew just how much, wishing that they knew that no matter what happened to me, to keep belieivng in the good in people. to not let those men win. Last night, the lives of many were forever changed and it is up to us to be better people. to live lives that the innocent victims of this tragedy dreamt about but sadly will now never be able to fulfil. RIP angels. You will never be forgotten.

I am saddened that people have expressed their condolences and moved on, or not acknowledged it at all. I know you cannot wallow in misery forever, but it feels too soon to resume a normal blogging schedule of training updates and selfies.

Paris will always be the most beautiful place on earth to me. There is nothing that will stop it from becoming my home, hopefully forever. Paris, je t’aime.

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